Have you ever known a person who had problems follow him/her wherever they went? And have you perhaps observed that the problems often, if not always, seemed to center around the fact that he or she had a hard time getting along with people?
There is a relational truth that I learned from a mentor many years ago. Let’s call our person Bob. And the principle, The Bob Principle. The Bob Principle goes like this: If Bob has problems with Bill, and Bob has problems with Fred, and Bob has problems with Sue, and Bob has problems with Jane, and Bob has problems with Sam, then Bob is usually the problem. Because Bob seems to be incapable of looking inside himself and recognizing that he has problems that need to be dealt with. He doesn’t just cause problems for himself; he causes problems for everyone with whom he comes into contact. Before going on, I want to make a point. Since doctors are my usual audience, I would bet that each and every person reading this has already visualized that employee that embodies our description of “Bob”. But wait. The real problem here is that far too often “Bob” happens to be the doctor. So, take the time to look in the mirror, consider any possibility of you being the problem when you have high staff turnover, poor results, and act as a magnet for problems and challenges. It might just be you. If it is, own it, and move to fix this common challenge. Become a leader and the type of person that teams want to rally around.
Anyone who is like our Bob would have some or all of the following four characteristics:
Bob is a problem carrier
The Bobs of the world carry around problems, and these problems affect others. Many years ago, when first starting my career as a dentist, we were making a major change in the culture of our practice. One of my staff members came to me and told me that everyone was upset with the changes we were planning to make. So, I went to each team member individually and discussed the changes I was proposing. As it turned out, it was only the person who originally came to speak to me that had an issue with the changes. She had been making the rounds with each team member working to get them to agree with her and let me know that they were against the changes. He, or in this case she, was “Bob”.
The lesson I learned was not only did I find out that we had one very vocal person, but I discovered that problem carriers spread their poison far and wide. I also learned that when someone tells you there are “lots of complaints,” you must discover the source. It may turn out to be just the one person doing lots of complaining.
Bob is a problem finder
Bob also likes to find problems and expose them to others. He/she subscribes to Chisholm’s Second Law, which says, “Any time things appear to be going better, you have overlooked something.” Bob can be a real Debbie Downer.
Because some people have this tendency, it is good to make a rule. My rule, again learned from a mentor: Anyone who brings me a problem must also bring three possible solutions to solve it, one of which costs nothing. It doesn’t take great talent to see a problem. In fact, if you look hard enough, people can find a problem in every situation. It takes great talent to solve problems. Most Bobs have no interest in doing that. I never keep an employee that is a pot stirrer and helps make my life more stressful. Many “Bobs” need to have their future freed up.
Bob is a problem creator
Bob always creates problems, and he usually involves others in what he’s doing. So, we have two choices every time we encounter a Bob or anyone else creating a problem. Every problem starter is like a fire lighter. Each of us is like a person carrying two buckets. One is filled with water and the other with gasoline. When we see the spark of a problem being lit, we can choose to douse it with water and put it out. Or we can throw gasoline on it and make it worse. If we want to control the amount of damage Bob can do, we need to use the water. NOTE: I see water putting out a fire, but also a way to drown someone. “Bobs” are sometimes the longest tenured employee or the one employee you trust most. There will come a time when each of must make a difficult decision to eliminate the actual problem or allow one person to poison our vision and culture. Hire people slowly, and free up their future quickly.
Bob is a problem receiver
Bob is usually a recipient of problems from others, and he encourages people to bring him more. In this case, people see Bob as a garbage dump. Garbage trucks take their loads of trash to a place that accepts garbage. People with problems take their gripes, gossip, and grumbling to someone who will listen and accept what they have to say. Bob allows people to dump on him and makes no effort to stop them when they are sharing. So, they keep dumping and they won’t stop until Bob tells them that they are not welcome anymore.
If you have someone who creates and spreads problems, respond with a positive comment, show your concern for the person being criticized, and encourage steps toward resolution. Not everyone will respond positively to your suggestions. But if you have a strong connection with a “Bob” or you are in a position of authority with him/her, then ask him to THINK before he speaks using this acronym:
T: is it true?
H: is it helpful?
I: is it inspiring?
N: is it necessary?
K: is it kind?
If you can answer yes to all of these questions, then it’s appropriate for him to proceed. If you have someone who attracts garbage, act quickly to rectify the problem or eliminate it. A dental office is no place for extraneous trash. Left long enough, the trash develops into an unsightly pile whose odor increases every day. Your patients will notice and find another office to frequent. Deal with it quickly.
Remember that if everyone has a problem with Bob, Bob is usually the problem. Your job as a leader is to make these problems go away.
Michael Abernathy DDS
972.523.4660 cell
[email protected]